Mindset – Goal Setting | Bronie Ware Article

Goal Setting

There are a couple of important things in this article, you may think that they are not connected but they are.

Do you think Richard Branson sets goals in the same way we have all been taught?

What about:-
Whoopi Goldberg – not only is she black but she is from a very disadvantaged background.

Alan Sugar – ideal background?

Anyone you care to think of did not and does not set goals in the way you have been taught. Do you think for one minute they used the same ‘SMART’ process are all taught.

Of course not they use a whole range of techniques but not what we think.

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Attainable
R = Realistic
T = Timely

Let me just blow these away for you.

Specific – becoming a Hollywood Actress.

Measurable – of course you need to know when you get there – stupid not too really.

Attainable – why would it have to be attainable this indicates that it might not be.

Realistic – do you think a Black, Underclass American Woman (not an attractive one at that – sorry to Stereotype) thought it was realistic to win an Oscar. How about a dyslexic student becoming one of the richest people on the planet – realistic.

Timely – do you think Branson, Sugar or Whoopi actually placed a time on their final objectives. Of course not to so would have been madness, no one knows how long it’s likely to take.

So this in my opinion proves that goal setting as thought of by the 99% of people on the planet is wrong, which is why so many don’t ever meet any of their objectives and just set you up for failure. Most of these put you in direct competition with other people and other people are not your competition – you are the only one you are competing against.

The competition is inside your own mind. Save, print or share the above. Or get in touch when you need to do some of this for yourself.

The article below is an important one when considering goal setting. See we are long time dead and time is short.

The article was written by Bonnie Ware, author of the book ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’.

Bonnie worked in palliative care for many years, and got to see patients in the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. From her interactions with her patients, she found that in the twilight of their lives they shared five common regrets.

As you read this, think to yourself what could you do differently right now, with your life, so that you live a life of joy, happiness, and meaning, and not experience these regrets? But beware, YOU WILL experience these regrets unless you a) Become aware of them and b) take action to ensure you do not have them…

So the first step is awareness…

“When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.

All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.

Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love.

Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.

That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

Article by Bonnie Ware, author of the book ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’.

www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Now How You Can Easily Avoid Those Regrets:

Now I originally read this a few years ago and just returned from a short holiday with friends, so I had a lot of emails in my inbox, but this rose to the top as I felt I wanted to write about it and demonstrate how some very simple thinking techniques mean you can ensure that you will not have those 5 regrets.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This holds so many back in life and it is a programmed bug people have been programmed with which they cannot find a way to remove. In gardening they say if you plant flowers then there is no room for weeds, but if you do not plant anything then weeds will grow. In the first few chapters of my book I shared with you a number of thinking techniques which aid this No.1 regret. If you still lack courage then I recommend you read those first 5 chapters again. If you’ve lost them, then you can get them here again:- Free Chapters

I also produced this article a while back to explain the simple way to plant flowers so that there is no space for weeds:- The ABC guide to living a legendary life

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

My entire life I have been called lazy and at the same time considered to be the hardest working person most people have ever met. I don’t hold much stock in opinions but rather only seek counsel. However, I have an advantage, work is not work to me, it is play. And I always thought people were mad to apply one ounce more effort than was needed to complete ANY task, so I looked for ways to make my life easier and easier.

Eventually I put a name to the techniques I was using automatically and it turns out that they were originally taught thousands of years ago by Lao Tzu and it was called the law of least effort. When you learn to apply it into every aspect of your life it becomes almost impossible to work too hard, as 1) you are not working anymore you are playing and 2) you continually look for easier ways to live and not create pain.

Here’s an article I wrote about hard work:

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

I’d never really thought of myself as a leader until I saw that I could easily express my feelings whereas as most others had to bury theirs. I used to wonder why they couldn’t talk and just say what they felt. At the time when a good employee didn’t speak up I used to drag it out of them and sometimes they would speak and share some amazing insight.

These same people would then do anything for me, all I had done was asked what they thought and been interested in what they said. Effectively I gave them permission to express their feelings and people loved me for it. I didn’t know this was good leadership, I just sought their counsel.

If you are wise on a subject then you will discover from within you the ability to express your feelings. If you can’t put words to your feelings then you need to ponder on them some more just by asking, why do I feel this way. Don’t judge the answer, just observe it. Your understanding will relax you and the more relaxed you get the easier it will be to express your feelings…

However, there is no rush as you are not bottling them up anymore, you are just considering why you feel certain things. The inevitable conclusion will be you expressing your feelings and almost certainly sharing some real wisdom at the same time… Now that’s how to express your feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

The reason people don’t stay in contact with their friends is that they have not established what is important in their life and then done that. Instead they have worked out what they think is important in their life and done that instead. They are also way too busy to do things which don’t matter that much.

I go out of my way to meet with friends whenever the opportunity presents itself. Many a time I have spent far too long with a friend because it felt right to do so when it didn’t move my primary aim forward. I consider my friends often and structure ways that by chance we can meet. In effect I design meeting friends into my life and have it fit round my primary aim.

When you design your life you get to choose what happens in it and you get to bring in all aspects such as friends. They are part of my design so I manufacture coincidences to have them appear in my life. Alison says to me that I’m always getting to spend time with friends as I drop whatever I’m doing when the chance to chat with one comes along.

I can do this because I am not in a rush, one of my favourite and most insightful quotes I added in the Bug Free Mind Process came from Roger Federer, when he said, ‘I have learnt to be even more patient.’ By not rushing you get more done.

When I used to work with my hands I used to have an affirmation which helped me be faster than ALL I worked with, ‘More haste, less speed.’ I would say it to myself a hundred times a day. Another good affirmation is, ‘Fast is slow, slow is fast.’ The meaning behind all of these is learn to slow down and you’ll get more done.

However, if you think you don’t have enough time then you’ll be right… But here’s an article I wrote which will show you how to slow down time:

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Are you happy? Or are you sad? Would you like to be happier? Did you know that happiness is the goal behind EVERY goal, and in fact you can have instant and never ending happiness in any moment?

That’s IF you just learn a simple thinking technique which will empower you to have it today. You can get this thinking technique from the article I wrote here:

Conclusion:

Bonnie Ware’s wisdom should teach you what you need to know to ensure you don’t fail in life. Because when you read those 5 regrets it’s obvious that we should all be adhering to them. But as a race we are asleep and sleeping through our lives, this is because we have been programmed to think this way by others who are asleep too. It is the blind leading the blind.

Today I’ve given you a concise approach for free to tap into the thinking techniques which will insure you do not have any of those 5 main regrets when you die. If you want to make sure that you don’t have any regrets at all then make a decision to add the full undiluted Bug Free Mind Process to your life and you can begin living the life you were designed to be living, not the one you’ve ended up being programmed to live. Options on the process are available here:

You can choose to live your life, IF you think that it is important enough to pause and consider whether the things you are doing are actually taking you in the direction you truly want to go.

Have a thoughtful day, you’ll get more done and you’ll enjoy it more,